Python vs Perl

Python vs. Perl or 10 esoteric reasons why you shouldn't use Python.

TL-DR; Because it's a dumb move. Onward.

Prologue: Zero Is A Hoax

First of all, have you ever seen those articles with a list of items, or those enumerated chapters in books and pamphlets: starting at number zero that index an array of chapters or bulleted lists? Alternatively, to be more precise: digit 0, aka glyph zero? Here's a little known fact, but unknown to Python-thumpers: numbers and numerals are different animals. Regular featherless bipeds don't count starting from zero. No, you don't. You're not a machine, and it's dumb to do so. Don't do that dude. You'll look stupid. Not to mention, that stuff, zero-based stuff is offset stuff; delta from something or somewhere, memory-ish related way of doing things. You are not a CPU, nor a compiler-writer. You're not calculating offsets from segments. To sum it up, such actions are retarded.

Let's the nerds do nerd-ish things. You are not a nerd. You don't want to be a nerd. You know how to talk to a woman, don't you? You don't hate women, do you? Women hate nerds. Yes, that's correct. They won't throw that right in your face though. They don't want to make mama-boys crying. Crying is bad. They know nerds won't make good fathers. They want strong children. Nerd is bad. Never call yourself a nerd. Calling yourself a nerd is a two-statement universal announcement to the world that, first: you're not as bright as mama loves to believe, and second: you've been single since EPOCH, and going to die single. That's bad, very bad. Being single is not a bad status by itself, but when a man(!) call himself a nerd, there's a good chance that we're dealing with an Incel, a two-digit IQ Libtard from Berkley.

Larry Wall, Reason Number 0

Larry the Wall is a handsome kind of guy, but Guido van Rossum is not. At this very moment, I could put a full-stop right here, and rest my case. But I won't. If you're not a product of modernity, i.e. if you have a functioning brain — and it's very rare, but whatever — which implies you have the capacity of comprehending beauty in a full-scale; you already know that beauty is all that matter, and Larry Wall has already touched that milestone. Larry Wall is man, so the correct adjective to use would be handsome. We say for instance, a handsome man, or a beautiful woman. Men and Women are different. The reason number 0 (1), i.e. the beauty and handsomeness are always the winner. Perl is beautiful. Syntactically. Some idiots profess otherwise, but we don't have time for idiots. There's a place for idiots though. It's called Reddit. We call them Redditors. But things have changed recently. Now they are Predditors.

P.S. unfortunately, right now, I can't sed(1) that '0' out of the title and paragraphs. The Reason number 0 is number 1. Think of that as an oddity, something like DEL EXPR.

Predditors, the 2nd Reason

The tribe of Redditors asylum-seekers in Blue-land of in-and-out trash Twitter are fond of Python. That's the deal-breaker. No matter how much you come down on the price, Redditors-friendly stuff is a big-fat No-No; bigly. You don't want to have any association with the platform of soyboys, aka Predditors. Recently they've been graduated to the next level of Soyification of all values.

Now, Redditors are Predditors.

Randal L. Schwartz, The 3M Reason

Python doesn't have Randal L. Schwartz. And that's one hell of a loss. Randal is fun and handsome; above all, he actually can speak like a normal person. He's more intelligent than your average Python-devs from Redditors-zone. To be able to speak; that's a virtue. Compare him with others. Just listen to those good-for-nothing podcasts and videos on the Internet. You'll realise what's my point. 'BSD Now' by Allan Jude, take that as an example. Besides being a total ZFS-thumper him/her/them/it/me/us/one-self, Allan Jude is the proper vinyl-record of filler-words proper:

Uh! … Hi, …, Um!, Um!, I'm … Uh! Allan, … like, … Um!

Monty Python, the #ForTH Reason

Monty Python … Seriously? Who names his things after a TV show? Unbelievable. But not really. We all know about now-dead Plan-9 operating system. Building sub-culture around TV shows and films is bad. That's a sign of nerds, and as we've already (e)stablished: nerd is bad.

Perl Mongers, the 5FDP Reason

I'm not fond of camels. But that's not a baggage. The Perl circle has a thing for camels, which is fine and I don't mind. At least camels are on covers of O'Reilly books, and camels know how to build Perl Mongers. There's no Python Mongers. But there are a lot of Python-thumpers with broken-ports. In short, it's men that matters, not codes or machines. Programs and languages are coming and going. Binaries are unessential. They all are irrelevant. People who are using them matter. I can't stand Python circle.

Track no.5 of the 3rd Iron Maiden's, The 6x3rd Reason

IDLE. Yup! The thing. That strange thing. Once, I had to use it though. What's the problem? How to use it? No, that wasn't the first thing to deal with, the problem was how to change its stupid colour-palette. Some black font stuff on white background stuff, or whatever. What the hell! Who design an editor like that? What's the point? Then, what's with the name: IDLE, Really? Idle as what? As UNIX Kernel threads, or System Idle Process from Windows Taskmgr.exe, or maybe an idle fat-you-know-what from Predditors-zone?

As the great Negan once said: "Screw you!"

The Bell Curve of the 7th Reason

Neophytes always have questions. There are two types of questions: 'questions', and 'stupid questions'. There's no such a phenomenon as a 'great question'. That's a canard and has been coined by people who ask stupid questions on a daily basis. There has never been such a thing as a great question in entire history. Do an STFW on Stack Overflow and compare the average questions: those which have been asked by Neophytes; both Python and Perl users.

Python-thumpers tend to know nothing about anything. For example, they don't know what a ^V in a nvi(1) session is. Hmm, Let's see: is that a paste concept from copy/paste, or it's a 'V' as 'v' in a packet of Viagra pills? Python-thumpers are number one source of broken repos and stupid-FAQ on the Internet. The situation is even worse than VB6 era. They are rulers of broken-ports. Core-teams of different projects love them though. Soys attract Soys. That's the law of attraction. STFW and you'll get a sense of the average-IQ of both Perl and Python users. Compare it. One hell of a Bell Curve, I'm tellin' Ya!

8.X 7.2, 7.3 ….The OpenBSD Reason

If you know anything about OpenBSD, you know that its package system has been written in Perl. And that's all anyone needs to know. If something is bad it won't stay on OpenBSD. If the licence is bad they will get rid of it. If it's trashing the system, they rm(1) the crap out of the base, ASAP. Perl is in the base. It's part of OpenBSD. Perl handles all package things. OpenBSD package system is solid as Heavy-Metal, and heavy metal is solid as Hard-Rock. They fork stuff, they remove stuff, they have strict rules, Hammurabi-style of law and order … that's all I have to know. That's the full-stop.

Charlie O' Chaplin, the CoC Dictator of lots of 9 Reasons

Here comes the gem. The FreeBSD. FreeBSD rubbed-out perl from their base many years ago. FreeBSD had done this, FreeBSD will do that … that's always a good heuristic. A heuristic to choose this or that. FreeBSD can't tolerate greatness. FreeBSD is the most intolerant so-called community on the Internet — I'll talk about that later, but not in this rant. You may have never heard of FreeBSD, but people who are migrating from Linux to BSDs have. But you might have heard of CoCBSD, SJWBSD or SoyBSD. I tend to call it SoyBSD. NetBSD has already won the evergreen title of SJWBSD. — I'm referring to what they've done to Theo de Raadt, decades ago, in short: Theo was better than them, they knew that, and they couldn't handle that very fact, which turned out to be a bless. Now we have OpenBSD.

"rub-out"? Rub-out what? Well, FreeBSD is known to have hard-time handling great things; nevertheless, they're good with gates and gateway. Perl was too hot handle. It was too much for them. There's no Perl in FreeBSD base any more. But in last few years, SoyBSD is pursuing the path of gateway-ness: Hug-gate, CoC-gate, list-gate and recently wg(8)-gate. I'm going to talk more about infamous FreeBSD later, but for now all you have to know is this heuristic:

If SoyBSD said it's bad, then it's good or /ˈvaɪsiː ˈvɜːsə/

P.S. by the way, I almost forgot to say that there's no such a phenomenon as communities on the Net. A community is something real in real life, among your family, kinsmen and neighbourhood.

The 10th Reason aka The Reason

This one is the Holy Grail — here comes Monty Python again! — Perl is great because it was written by smart-men. Perl is great because I like it, and Perl is great because I'm using it.

Epilogue: Bad Perl!

What's bad about Perl anyway? Not a single thing? Yes, there's one. It has a stupid CoC. That's all.


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